Road Trip

Record high gas prices, crushing debt, and delays in student loan dispersements. Some would say it's time to hunker down and weather the storm. We say it's time to take a ROAD TRIP. Remember, when you stop spending your money with mindless inhibition the terrorists have won.

Loralee was an awesome wife and for Christmas last year she got me a trip to N. Carolina for a weekend of white water adventure. We'll post about that later when we get our old school film camera developed. Her parents came into town and watched the girls for us while we made our trip so it was a nice time to get out on our own. Since most of you haven't had the pleasure of traveling out this way I'll give you the highlights of some of these Eastern United States.

As we drove out of Cleveland it was overcast and gray like it is 355 days of the year here. But strangely as we got outside of Cleveland the sun began to break through the clouds and the further away we drove the nicer the weather got. It seemed that even Mother Nature knew that leaving Cleveland was something to smile about.

Our roles on the trip soon became very clear. Loralee would spend her time reading, relaxing, and enjoying herself. Dave would drive.



Eventually I got bored and starting pointing out things it would be nice to get a picture of and try and get Loralee to snap a shot of them. But since we were traveling by these points of interest at 70+ mph our window of artistic opportunity was very narrow. The conversations would usually go something like this:

Dave: Ooh that's pretty. Take a picture of that.
Loralee: What? Where?
Dave: Right there. Hurry!
Loralee: What are you talking about? (She might be picking up the camera at this point or she might not even be looking up because she doesn't want to stop reading)
Dave: That right there! Hurry! We're going to miss it! Quick, just give me the camera. Great, we missed it.
Loralee: Why do you want a picture of that anyway?
Dave: Just give me the camera, you're no longer allowed camera privileges.

So for most of the drive I managed to take pictures with the camera strapped to the steering wheel with our gorilla pod (which by the way is one of the best purchases we've ever made). It worked pretty well but the quality of some of the pictures suffered due to my having to drive, aim the camera and try to avoid a fiery crash while taking the shot.

WEST VIRGINIA (pop: 152. With a cumulative 3rd grade education)

Our first new state was West Virginia. A very pretty state full of lush trees of a million different shades of green. The highway weaves in and out of the mountains and around each corner was a new surprise waiting to jump into view. Unfortunately these surprises were often in the form of billboards advertising various adult bookstores and smut peddlers.

An interesting fact about West Virginia is that they have more porn stores per capita then anywhere else in the country. It was always a shock to the system to be admiring all of God's creations, and then have a sign trying to lure me into their Adult Mega Mart at the next exit jump into view.

West Virginia was also scattered with a wonderful white wildflower along the freeway. I thought about stopping to pick one but then I figured getting run over by some trucker on his way to an Adult Convenience Shop probably wasn't worth the trouble. So instead I decided to just give them the name of Freeway Daisies. Whether they are in fact daisies I don't know and I'm sure they grow out side of freeway shoulders but since that's the only place I ever saw them I'm sticking with the name.

And to my delight every state we went through had their own version of the Freeway Daisies but just a different color. I don't know how the flowers knew that at the state line they weren't allowed to grow any further, but they seemed to stay in their borders like good little Freeway Daisies should.

VIRGINIA (The Idaho of the East)

We weren't in Virginia very long but we did have time to take note of their red freeway daisies and the lush farm country. It reminded me of Idaho for some reason.

TENNESSEE (Where everyone is your neighbor and every relative is a future spouse)

Tennessee was both wonderful and heartbreaking at the same time. Having the name of Dave I grew up listening to various people who thought they were very witty sing the Davy Crockett song to me all the time. Each person was convinced that they were the only one to think of this clever jab and were also sure I would find it very funny as well. They weren't and I didn't. But I do now have the Davy Crockett song forever ingrained in my mind. You can understand why I was very upset to see that as we drove by the official Davy Crockett State Park commemorating the spot of his birth there was no mountain in sight. It therefore could hardly be believed that he was indeed, "born on a mountain top in Tennessee" and I am beginning to seriously doubt that he, "killed him a bear when he was only three."

I was about to bow down my head in despair at having a childhood icon reduced to nothing more that hickland propaganda when I saw a billboard that filled my mind with wonder.

Yes, an all you can eat KFC buffet! The thought that you would want to eat your weight in KFC had never occurred to me before. But I was convinced that there is not another one in the world so I decided we were definitely going to eat there. The feeding trough was populated by the type of people you would expect to find at a KFC buffet, and their ability to gum the food down at record speed was mesmerizing. I'll just say that there's a good reason KFC shouldn't be shoveled down your mouth with uninhibited gluttony. It's one of those foods that should be taken in moderation if you want your arteries to stay free of pure grease and chicken bones. But I shoveled it in along side my fellow Americans and will probably die younger because of it.

And Tennessee had their own freeway daisy that came in a wonderful shade of purple. But I was hallucinating from the effects of KFC's 7 herbs and spices at that point so I didn't really appreciate them like I should have and forgot to get a picture.

NORTH CAROLINA (where every freeway daisy is welcome)

N. Carolina was a wonderful place. It was warm, green, and beautiful. The people were nice and remarkably well educated. We met tons of people who had the appearance of being a few pigs short of a litter but turned out to be very intelligent and kind. We'll post about the things we did there later but for me the freeway daisies in N. Carolina summed the state up nicely. Somehow all the different wild flowers from the other states had found their way here and blended together into a bouquet of loveliness.