Drive by

It seems many people got an unhealthy amount of joy out of my encounter with the high school students at Target. I thought those of you who have no empathy for the potential physical harm of your fellow man might enjoy another experience I had a while back.

When we first got out to Cleveland I thought it would be a good idea to ride my bike to school. Cheap, good exercise, and sexy right? What I didn't realize was that I'd be riding right by a big high school 2 times a day. We're what might be considered of a minority status in our neighborhood so having a chubby white guy puffing by on his Fuji Odessa (my bike) was often too much for the kids to resist. I had various insults hurled my way throughout that first year, which while emotionally scaring were at the same time very informative in how the English language could be used in new and troubling ways.

And then it happened. While riding home I was a victim of high school gang violence. I can still see it now. It was a calm summer afternoon. The air hung thick with humidity. My mind was wondering how it was possible for me to be sweating this much and still not manage to lose any weight when I noticed the car behind me had slowed down. The street was narrow but there was plenty of room for them to pass. I turned my head and to my horror I saw someone leaning out the window lining me up in his sights. It was too late to react, I could see his weapon gleaming in his hand in the noon day sun and I knew that it was over. I was about to be egged.

Soon eggs were flying past me as I did my best do go into a defensive maneuver. I swerved left and right trying to confuse them (which in reality was more like a frantic shaking of my handle bars so I didn't actually turn, just jiggled) and hunched down into a Lance Armstrong like position. I knew it was no use. There were too many eggs to dodge and soon I felt the sickening sound of egg hitting my back.

Man Down!! I remember the screeching tires and their screams of triumph as I tried to comprehend what had just happened. I knew the days of the Fugi Odessa were over. I was another victim of a senseless drive by egging.